I just made out with a guy for $7.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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