If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I want to fling myself into the sun
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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