dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
