Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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