i love accidental penises.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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