I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
