i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Randomize