i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
