you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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