the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
