So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
