don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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