:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
