I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
