He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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