i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
