barbara walters just said penis...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
