There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
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