I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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