If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
