every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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