So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
