hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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