I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
