If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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