Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize