he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
