can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
