Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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