Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
