We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
