It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
