just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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