Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
