Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
