Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
