my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
