Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
