I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
