youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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