I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
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