so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
