i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
