I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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