so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize