Apparently you make a good broom.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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