Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I take back everything I said about communal showers
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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