Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
