This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Hippo gnu deer
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
