You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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