I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
