yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize