I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
