I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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