its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
