I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize