but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
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