I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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