alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
foreskin is a definite game changer
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
