You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
