East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
