The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
