My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
