his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
