Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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