I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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