He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
