okay pat passed out under dana's car
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize