my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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