My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
