I bet he comes in French.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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