i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
