just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
