He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
