I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I need to sanitize my soul.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
