He uses pillows to masturbate.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
