I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
