i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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