Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
