My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
