I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize