It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
