you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
