i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize