you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
