Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize