in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
