i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
And the cops told us we were all naked.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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