dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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