I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
