God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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