I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
