dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
