omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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