Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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