Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
