She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
