I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize