Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
