im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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