im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
