hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
