there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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