My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize