i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
