Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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